Doubts are Poisonous...

Winter mix sucks when you mess up your wrist that was fractured 4 years ago...but was never properly healed. Damn ice =/. I should be working on homework...but who am I kidding...report card won't be so good this quarter...

I've bn having thoughts lately...bad ones...bout me and her. I think i'm just at a point where before i admit i might be falling for her, i'm questioning the validity of our relationship. I tend to do that sometimes. Not sure why, but its just in my character. Don't get me wrong, I love her...but sometimes i think it's for the wrong reason(s).

First of all i will admit that she and i rushed into "official-dom" really quick. Once minute we were texting and next, there was a change of the facebook relationship statuses. I'll definently say that i've had no regrets though...my initial thoughts were really more or less "whats the worst that could happen?". If anything i think i see the worst is that, these feelings are only fleeting and not permanent. I can honestly say i don't see much of a long-term thing goint here. Now i admit thats something that i shouldn't be concerning myself with, but again, i can't help but think about it.

I think what it might be is that, i've wanted this for so long...the whole relationship thing...that like a spoiled child wanting something they couldn't have...now that i finally got it...idk what to do or how to act now. It pains me to make a realization like that...

I'd hate to drag this relationship out and hurt her if i'm feeling the way i am...but at the same time i don't want to give up on it. I want to see it through to the end, whenever that may be. I told her from the get-go that we would last for as long as God willed it. Maybe this thing will soon run its course.

I wanna say why i love her, but the only real reason that comes to mind is that she gave a guy like me...who's never bn good at the whole relationship thing...a chance. That really meant something to me and i was grateful as ever for it. I think that overwhelming gratefulness clouded my mind, thoughts and judgement into "love". I find myself even thinking of life without her as my gf and...well, yeah...

I always said i never wanted to be like those guys that just do the cruddiest things to women and end up giving the rest of us a bad name. My biggest fear aside from possibly hurting her at all is that i'll be one of those guys and have betrayed one of my principles in life. Whatever the case...i just hope i find an answer to this question soon...

"We had fire in our eyes
In the beginning I
Never felt so alive
In the beginning you
You blame me but
its not fair when you say that i didn't try
i just don't wanna hear it anymore....
Swear i never meant to let it die..."

-Let It Die by Three Days Grace

Snow Daze

It snowed...I definently should have stayed home =/
Guess I can just hope for some kinda delay from school 2morrow.

Neway, question I've bn thinking of is "Do I really have an audience for this blog?" More than likely...No, no i don't but that won't stop me from updating from time to time. It's always felt good if i could type/ write out my thoughts sometimes so yeah =T.

Hmmm, random topic of the update...my friends. Sure lets talk about the people i consider "good peoples" :

Toris: I can talk about any random shyt with this guy and he gets it. Dude is dependable and one of the realist people i know.
Leslie: She's cool beans. She can be totally gangster one minute and a total goof the next.
Jalisa: I go on her like everyday and she does the same to me, but of course its always in good fun. She's my buddy.
Adrian: Known this guy since my family moved to our house. Dude speaks his mind on any and just about everything. Some call him an asshole, but he's just real and not fake like some people are these days.
Brandon: This guy is a bad influence lol. Swear i never skipped a whole day of school until i met him and we all went out to chinatown on my bday. Impulse days rock man XD
Taisha: Wow, where to begin on this one? She's definently one of the few girls i would call my best friend. Funny how i had like a massive crush on her for the longest time, but this s one of those times where i'm content that she's such and awesome friend so...yeah =]
Tonee': My lil' big sis. I def tell her everything and vice versa. There's probably no other person i trust more than her.
Sabrina: Year younger than me and I've bn going to like the same school/ bus stop with her since i was in the 5th grade. At this point, I'll acknowledge that she's like the little sister i never had.
Maya: So upbeat and energetic, if your feeling down, turn to Maya and she'll help you laugh =]
Derrell: Another amigo, i can talk random shyt with and he gets it.
Canisha: =D, she'll get a blog update another time

Not that any of the people mentioned will ever see this, but yeah if ya didn't know...well now you do. I want to take a nap again, shoveling driveways can be more tiring than one thinks...should've taken the easy way and used the snow blower. =/ More friends will be mentioned at a later time btw.


"To the girl that can't forgive me,
Take these misunderstandings, and send them back where they came from,
Take these misunderstandings, its hard enough to live life as it is... " - All Nereids Beware by Chiodos

Coming Attraction...

So I had the mindset to cave in and finally make one of these...low and behold i already started to do so some months back and my computer had the info saved...wierd =T.

Basics till i get more time for this as i am pretty sleepy:

My friends are awesome =]
White boy at heart XD
Skating is a passion...not a hobby =T
My guitar skills always need improvement =/
Movies produced/written/directed by Judd Apatow and/or starring Seth Rogen are always funny XXDD
Fat kidd =/

Something I'll do for this is end with a random song lyric on each entry...whether its relevant to said entry, or life at the time, or just cuz i wanna put it there, really doesn't matter. If its gonna be deep I'll let you know before hand. Thanks for reading. =]

"He'll be the first to tell you he's full of shit, like its half a compliment" -Retarded in Love by Say Anything