Doubts are Poisonous...

Winter mix sucks when you mess up your wrist that was fractured 4 years ago...but was never properly healed. Damn ice =/. I should be working on homework...but who am I kidding...report card won't be so good this quarter...

I've bn having thoughts lately...bad ones...bout me and her. I think i'm just at a point where before i admit i might be falling for her, i'm questioning the validity of our relationship. I tend to do that sometimes. Not sure why, but its just in my character. Don't get me wrong, I love her...but sometimes i think it's for the wrong reason(s).

First of all i will admit that she and i rushed into "official-dom" really quick. Once minute we were texting and next, there was a change of the facebook relationship statuses. I'll definently say that i've had no regrets though...my initial thoughts were really more or less "whats the worst that could happen?". If anything i think i see the worst is that, these feelings are only fleeting and not permanent. I can honestly say i don't see much of a long-term thing goint here. Now i admit thats something that i shouldn't be concerning myself with, but again, i can't help but think about it.

I think what it might be is that, i've wanted this for so long...the whole relationship thing...that like a spoiled child wanting something they couldn't have...now that i finally got it...idk what to do or how to act now. It pains me to make a realization like that...

I'd hate to drag this relationship out and hurt her if i'm feeling the way i am...but at the same time i don't want to give up on it. I want to see it through to the end, whenever that may be. I told her from the get-go that we would last for as long as God willed it. Maybe this thing will soon run its course.

I wanna say why i love her, but the only real reason that comes to mind is that she gave a guy like me...who's never bn good at the whole relationship thing...a chance. That really meant something to me and i was grateful as ever for it. I think that overwhelming gratefulness clouded my mind, thoughts and judgement into "love". I find myself even thinking of life without her as my gf and...well, yeah...

I always said i never wanted to be like those guys that just do the cruddiest things to women and end up giving the rest of us a bad name. My biggest fear aside from possibly hurting her at all is that i'll be one of those guys and have betrayed one of my principles in life. Whatever the case...i just hope i find an answer to this question soon...

"We had fire in our eyes
In the beginning I
Never felt so alive
In the beginning you
You blame me but
its not fair when you say that i didn't try
i just don't wanna hear it anymore....
Swear i never meant to let it die..."

-Let It Die by Three Days Grace